The Three Other Mes

Recently I've become aware of the three Scotts that exist only in other peoples' minds.

My mom teaches alongside a bunch of people that are either my friends from high school or sisters of friends from high school. Because I no longer live in Houston and only visit once a year if that, there's an air of mystery about her son. From what I'm aware, the Houston image of me consists of loose memories of crazy shit I did for attention on my Israel trip when I was 16 and updates on my research and improv. The rest is filled by imagination.

My Improv 101 classmates think I'm a huge party animal who goes to Vegas weekly. My Improv 201 classmates think I have a girlfriend and am some sort of player.

All of these impressions come out of not knowing me very well. And they all seem cooler than I really am. If only I could harness this mystique-generating power, I could somehow use it to my advantage and pull in the ladies. But the mystery can only last for so long! How do I know they'd stay once finding the real Scott? Some of the assumptions must be based on reality, but I can't help but feel that the result would be when someone hypes up a movie for you, and when you watch it you realize, hey, it's good, but you're still let down because the hype had you expecting a lot more or something different.

Wow, that's a pessimistic view. I should take a clue from mystery Scotts and get some more confidence.

Hot Dogging and Back to Blogging

Well, after a half-year hiatus on blogging, it's time I got back to it, if for nothing else than the temporary therapeutic effect it has. I'll ease back in with a tale of this last weekend's hot dog adventure, but in short, the last few months of my life have been: BOE etching, watching/doing improv, keeping up with the 10 or so TV shows I watch, and reading Vonnegut's novels.

What a turn of events for me to find myself in New York City this last weekend then! I was in town for my cousin's wedding, so it wasn't an unexpected trip. But the last time I'd been in NYC, I was 7 years old; there was still a World Trade Center and I did all the standard touristy things: Katz's Deli, Sammy's Steakhouse, some other delis. Ok, the standard Jewish things, really.

While in town, I took the opportunity to spend a day with my friend Sara, who'd moved with her lab from LA to NY a couple years back. She had been in LA a couple weeks prior, and my roommate Rich decided to take her on a "Taco Tour" of Los Angeles, feeding her in one day no less than 12 tacos from different places ranging from Jack in the Box to Kogi to Poquito Mas. Well, Sara got a form of revenge through me by taking me on a "Hot Dog Tour" of New York! (Ok, her motive wasn't actually malicious, but after 7 hot dogs it felt that way!)

Because half of me is adopted asian, I took pictures of the hot dogs I ate. But because all of me is jackass, it was only with my phone for the purpose of picture messaging Rich each hot dog. He sends me pictures of burritos sometimes. Also I'm too lazy to figure out how to upload them here.

1. New York Hot Dog And Coffee - Korean fusion hot dogs. Amazing! The pickles really made them. The girl working the counter was way cute, and I think I impressed her by asking for hot sauce. I also was the only one to be given a frequent diner card--they must've smelled the yellow fever on me. Pass on the fries.

2. Gray's Papaya - I'd heard of this place on Travel Channel. The dogs are quite tasty, but a little small. That was ok because they are priced accordingly and I had to pace myself this afternoon. Was unimpressed by the banana smoothie, however.

3. Vendor Hot Dog - From the street. Simple, reminds me of a stadium dog, so it would be comforting were it not part of a momentous day of bad decisions I don't regret.

4. Dogmatic Gourmet Sausage System - Holy pretentious fuck. Well, it wasn't that bad. But the decor and simplicity and umami feel reminds me of many a Hollywood joint. Pretty tasty, but I was disappointed you can't add toppings, and the bread was a little hard. Best cole slaw I've had in a while. The only available drinks are sodas they make themselves; lemon-lime too sweet and grape not sweet enough. The funniest part is the sausage looks like a dick in a fleshlight full of lube. Sara will forever hate me for pointing that out.

5. Gray's Papaya II - I think. Different location, but I needed a chili dog to make up for King's Papaya (planned stop #3) being closed. Good chili dog.

6. Nathan's - Nothing real surprising here; they have Nathan's at New York New York in Vegas. Gotta love sauerkraut though.

7. Crif's Dogs - Underground with a speakeasy, this place has atmosphere. Donkey Kong and Spy Hunter video games defeated me, but not as bad as the 7th (and final) dog I would eat in about 4 hours. I think I did a kraut dog here too. It was tasty and took some Herculean effort on my part to power through. Probably my favorite of the traditional dogs.

8. Katz's Deli - No one wanted another hot dog bad enough to wade through the crowd of Jew-meat loving patrons. But we saw where Harry Met Sally I guess.

And that's how I came to love the New York hot dog. The only food I ate for the next 40ish hours was some chicken nuggets I told myself to eat for sustenance when my plane arrived back in LA. And of course the hot dog truck came to campus today. Unsurprisingly, I opted not to eat there.

Trial By Fire

Time for an update! I passed my Advancement to Ph.D. Candidacy Exam! And they charge me $90 for passing--WTF? Not that I'm going to complain much, because I don't have to worry about it anymore. Wooo!

I threw a party for passing. It was one of our tamest parties yet, but I had a good time. No real stories, however, except that a John Daly (aka Arnold Palmer w/ Vodka, thanks Bill Simmon's mailbag for the name although we'd had that idea before) is delicious!

But I'm ready to get out there more, meet new people, etc. I'm slowly becoming friends w/ people in my improv class, but it's already halfway done! It's such a fun time. I hope I have the skill to make something of a long-term hobby out of it. There is this one "clique" (not really, but they're all friends prior to class) of really good looking girls that I only today was able to break into conversation with and start getting to know. Arrghhh I need to apply the confidence of jumping on stage and doing a comedic scene out of nothing into confidence in talking with women! The translation shouldn't be too difficult, right?

However, improv class itself is quite the rollercoaster for my confidence as is. Today, I'm pretty sure I had the worst scene early on, but then in the 2nd half of class I had some of what I think were the funnier skits (all the ones everyone else did were pretty great too, but I earned myself a bit of praise from the instructor!)! Also, many people in the class have training/jobs as actors and therefore have a much better sense of stage and emotion and composure than I do. But I'm surviving fine. I notice that I sweat profusely while on stage even though I don't feel terribly anxious, but it makes me shy away from mingling a bit because I have yet to find a deodorant/antiperspirant that can withstand 3 hours of improv!

A New Plateau

I was unfair to the girl I was angry at in my last entry. I was most likely projecting my anger at some other girls onto her, and the coldness I perceived in fact turned out to be simply her being busier now that school has started up.

So, yes, now I'm in a platonic friendship with a girl I had (have?) feelings for but are not reciprocated. I still have no clue how to deal with it. I enjoy spending time with her, and I have learned a lot of interesting things, and we still get along quite well. But there's a few wrenches gumming up the works.

I went to watch Sunday Morning Football this morning with her. More people were supposed to show up, but they bailed (with 1 exception but he showed up very late). I still get a tingling of jealousy when she points out guys in the bar that she finds cute, and that nagging "Why not me?" question in the back of my head. I play turnaround and point out hot girls and nice racks on hot girls, but I feel that 2% of that is still a last-ditch attempt to make her jealous. Flirting has made way for friendly joshing and touching, and I am not sure what the difference really is. And there were a couple instances where we were talking closely (loud bar) and I thought, wow, if this weren't a crowded bar and I hadn't been rejected yet, I would go in for the kiss right now. But alas, that's not to be.

I would ease into this new metastable state were I targeted on a new girl currently. I've decided my massive revenge on women will be to become way hot. I've dropped a pant size and have begun redoing my wardrobe; it's the first time in a while that I'm gaining confidence in my looks. And I hear nothing but compliments on my new goatee, originally grown out as a "fuck you!" to womankind.

I heard today that one girl I've met briefly gave to a waiter she thought was cute her friend's number. And she proceeded to use her friend's phone to exchange texts with him and set up a drinks date, under the guise of her friend. But she has no intention of pursuing anything with this guy; she just wants to see how far she can take it. Giving this poor man false hope when he has 0 chance from the outset? Women are truly evil! And you can't pinpoint the evil ones because they don't grow goatees! (Occam's razor solution: all are evil, none are good.)

I bought the best book. It's called Men Are Greater Than Women. It really satisfies my misogyny craving by being chock full of wisdom such as "Women couldn't do math even if it were made of chocolate." A good read whenever the "fairer" sex gets me down!

Yes, And

Taking improv classes is the best decision I've made in a long time. It is a ton of fun, moreso than I expected! It's very relaxing and not nerve-wracking too, which I think is a combination of being in a humorous environment with like-minded peers and the fact that for improv to work one sort of has to turn off his brain. You can't predict what you'll have to react to, so you just go with the flow and keep it simple and funny and entertaining, which shuts out the anxious voices in the head. I am now really excited to do a graduation performance in 2 months!

The class really calmed me down from the anger at the general double-X chromosome cuntocracy and the specific offenders of last night. Except I realized when I came home from the party, I had at some point put girl-of-recent-drama's camera in my pocket. Now I have to return that as well as her jacket that she never picked up from my apartment to her. I've been trying to find a time to make the exchange all day, and only now at 11 pm am I waiting for her to get her shit. It feels like a goddamn post-breakup ritual. Maybe her coldness is all in my head, or maybe it's not. Maybe I'll confront her about it when she arrives. If I do, I'll probably write about it tomorrow.

Long Time Coming Part 3: The Root of Misogyny

I had originally reserved this blog post for my emotional musings on dealing with being relegated to platonic friend with someone I have unrequited feelings for, an experience uncommon to me. But in the 2 days that I procrastinated writing, it's very possible that that situation has become the unlikely best case scenario.

Went to a party last night. That girl was there, and for some reason she was very cold towards me. She never came up to talk to me, and would more often than not would run as I approached her. Now I'm not going to sit here and claim that I'm not an obnoxious drunk ever, and I was jokingly trying to flip her hoodie a few times which caused the running away, which might explain that. But I realized that she never talks to me or cares if I'm around in nearly the same capacity in group situations than when we talk online or hang out one-on-one. So why the fuck should I even bother to keep the friendship strong? I'm just the victim when she needs her attention whore cravings satisfied.

And there were several other girls there who were just unsocial, unfriendly, and downright mean! One in particular would not talk to me at all when I tried to initiate conversation, and one bitch even had the nerve to tell me "I need to stop talking." What the fuck! I'd been having fun talking to her and her friend and thought they were enjoying themselves too, guess not! So I told those whores to fuck off and didn't deal with them the rest of the party.

With the exception of these bitches, I had myself a good time at the party. But I really am not surprised I have a general low opinion of women, and in fact I think my misogyny has now reached new heights.

Long Time Coming Part 2: Cometh, Nightman

I watched 9 when in the bay area the other week. What a beautiful movie with the worst characters and writing ever. Nine is the biggest Mary Sue ever, and the other characters are just stereotypes in wicker doll form. And critics were complaining about G.I. Joe having characters too 2-D?

Tonight I saw The Nightman Cometh, the It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia musical, live. Hi-fucking-larious! It was insanely crowded and sweltering in the theater but totally worth it. They showed a preview of an upcoming episode which is simply genius. Season 5 and still going strong, it's incredible.

But I had to drive into and out of Hollywood on a Friday night, which is like taking a match to the dry brush of my road rage. Learn how right of way works, mob of 50 bicyclists performing a Philadelphia left turn and blocking all traffic! I raged so hard that I sang a song about how I wanted to murder the bad drivers. How impressed I was with my ability to make lyrics up on the spot! Maybe improv classes won't be a complete disaster after all! We'll see in just 2 days.

When I arrived home, however, my ire was melted away by the sight of seeing a 3 year old kid walking his Bischon Frise down our street with his parents. He was barely bigger than the dog but they looked so cute walking together, especially when he let go of the leash and the dog continued walking nonchalantly alongside. I need a dog.